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Dr. Teresa Smith

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5 Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem has become an epidemic in this country, and one that negatively impacts our quality of life. Feelings of unworthiness can begin at a young age and, if neglected, can potentially lead to depression and anxiety.

Because low self-esteem can be so damaging, finding ways to feel better about ourselves and our abilities is vital to our well-being. Here are 5 ways to increase your self-esteem:

  1. Quiet That Inner Critic

Negative self-talk is a common issue for people with low self-esteem. If you’re one of those people whose inner critic is constantly beating them up, it’s important you quiet that voice. Try to replace any negative comments with positive ones. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and instead focus on your strengths and abilities.

  1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

We are all so unique. Sadly, instead of celebrating what makes us individuals, many of us spend time comparing ourselves to others. And, should we find we don’t quite measure up to others’ standards, we feel inadequate. Stop comparing yourself to others and instead concentrate on being the best version of you that you can be.

  1. Give Up the Quest to be Perfect

Being human means being imperfect. We all have flaws, we are all works in progress. And that’s okay. Striving to be something that simply doesn’t exist is futile and exhausting. And before you say that so many celebrities are perfectly beautiful and lead perfect lives, guess again. Hollywood’s A-listers are typically photoshopped and many have been treated for depression and addiction. They are human and struggling like anyone else.

Stop trying to be perfect and instead set attainable goals for yourself.

  1. Start Loving Your Body

Many people struggle with body image issues. Much of it is because of the photoshopping I just mentioned. It’s hard to love your body when you are expected to look like the people that grace the covers of magazines.

Instead of focusing on what your body looks like, on how much you weigh or how big your muscles are, focus on being healthy. Be grateful for your health and make healthy choices so you can always feel good and vibrant.

  1. Cut Back on Social Media

Social media has its good points, but it can also set unrealistic expectations regarding relationships and lifestyles. It’s important to remember that online, people tend to only post images that make their lives seem awesome. But that’s not always an accurate presentation. Spending too much time looking at other people leading fun lives can lead us to spending less time enjoying our own.

If self-esteem issues have become a serious problem in your life, leading to anxiety and depression, consider working with a therapist who can help you work through your memories and emotions.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

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How to Bring Up Resilient Children

Have you heard the phrase “helicopter parent?” It describes a mother or father that ‘hovers’ around their child 24/7, overseeing their life to keep them from every potential danger, pitfall and mishap. It looks good on paper, but this kind of parenting forgets one important fact of reality: life happens.

Adversity happens to all of us. Those children who engage with adversity in their formative years learn how to handle it well and come up with strategies and solutions. These are the kids that grow up to be resilient, getting right back up when life knocks them down a few pegs.

 

Here are some ways parents can raise resilient children:

Plant the Right Mindset

How your child sees the world and their own potential in it directly informs how they make decisions. Teach them a positive and empowering mindset from the beginning. Teach them that failure does not exist, only learning what works and what doesn’t. Failing grades and losing games aren’t the end of the world, though they may feel like it. What really matters is the commitment and effort they put into reaching their goal.

Don’t Meet Their Every Need

A child will never be able to develop their own coping strategies if someone is there every second making sure they never become hurt or disappointed. Do your best to NOT overprotect your children and give them some space to figure it out all on their own.

Help Your Children Connect

Social children who are well connected to others feel a sense of support and resilience. Authentic relationships provide a safe space and a person to talk to about their feelings. Help socialize your child as soon as possible so they can form deep connections on their own as they grow.

Let Them Take Some Risks

All parents want to keep their kids safe, but there comes a point when you’ve got to let go a bit and let them learn HOW to be safe on their own. For instance, one day your child will need to get their driver’s license. You can help that older child be a safe driver by allowing their younger self to ride their bicycle around the neighborhood. This will teach them to pay attention, look both ways, etc.

Teach Them the Right Skills

Instead of focusing on the ‘danger’ or uncomfortableness of a situation, teach your child how to navigate it. For instance, if he or she is going away to summer camp for the first time, brainstorm some ideas of how they can learn to be comfortable away from home. Pack their favorite blanket. Talk to them about calling you at certain times to check in. Teach them how to solve their own problems. This is one of the greatest gifts parents can give.

 

Resiliency isn’t something that’s automatically handed down to kids; it’s something that must be instilled and molded over time. Planting these seeds now will set your child up for success in their future.

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Communication Tips for Couples in Recovery

If you have found yourself in a troubled relationship, there is a very good chance you grew up with parents who argued and fought often. Your household was most likely filled with the sounds of angry voices, raised in an attempt to be heard or to simply drown out the other person.

This means you had no role models for how to treat your partner or what effective communication looks or sounds like. And so, you find yourself flailing, hoping things will get better with your partner but not really knowing what you can do.

The key to a healthy relationship, hands down, is good and respectful communication. If you are currently working toward mending your relationship, here are some communication tips that will help the two of you grow closer:

Give Each Other Your FULL Attention

We live in the age of technology, which means most of us has our head buried in our phone or tablet just about 24/7. This hinders good communication.

When you are speaking with one another, make sure to give your full attention to what the other person is saying. Turn the TV off, put the phone down, and make eye contact.

Take Responsibility

There are those relationships that suffer because one person has been unfaithful. But oftentimes, a broken relationship is the result of two broken people. Take responsibility for your part in the trouble. Admit to your mistakes and commit to trying harder.

Don’t Interrupt

It’s not easy to hear someone say negative things about your behavior but resist the urge to cut off your partner when they are saying something you don’t like or agree with.

Don’t Raise Your Voice

Yelling and shouting is not a form of effective communication. Do your best to refrain from raising your voice at all. It may sound too simplistic, but it really does help to stop and take a slow, deep breath when you feel your anger rising.

Listen

When your partner is talking, you should be hearing every word they say, not thinking about how you are going to respond. Many people are bad listeners. Listening is a skill you will have to develop over time, but why not start now?

If you follow these communication tips you’ll have a much better chance of reconnecting with your partner and making things work. And if you’d like to find a therapist that can guide you in your recovery, please reach out to me. I would be happy to talk with you about how I may be able to help.

 

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Benefits of Co-Parenting (And How to Do It)

When two people decide to separate or divorce, the first question they usually must answer is, “What’s best for the children?” Well, according to the Third International Conference on Shared Parenting, co-sponsored by the National Parents Organization and the International Council on Shared Parenting, children need both parents in their life, no matter how those two adults feel about each other. It is for this reason that most child health experts agree that co-parenting is in the best interests of children of divorce.

The latest research indicates that children of divorce, who have parents who agree to co-parent, can grow up just as well and adjusted as those children from homes where parents had successful marriages. They may actually fair a little better and have a lower divorce rate themselves and be more successful in their careers. Why is this?

Children that come from co-parenting learn how to proactively create good situations. They also see their parents working together for THEIR benefit, which gives them a healthy sense of self-worth. And, seeing parents successfully communicating with one another teaches them how to have good relationships with others.

Tips for Co-Parenting

Co-parenting will take some practice to get it right. Here are some tips for you and your parenting partner:

Make a Commitment

This journey will be bumpy. Make a commitment to your children and promise to have open and honest communication where their well-being is concerned.

Have Rules

Rules for each household should be agreed upon at the very beginning. Your children will test you both. Rules will help to ensure routine and structure, which they need greatly.

Avoid Negative Talk

While you may have issues with your ex, that is still your child’s parent. Refrain from “trash talking” the other around your children.

Seek Counsel

If you need help with lines of communication or help putting in place a comprehensive co-parenting plan, I encourage you to seek the guidance of a trained family therapist. He or she can navigate these choppy waters so everything is done with your child’s best interests in mind.

If you’d like to work with a family therapist who is caring, nurturing, and never judgmental, please reach out to my office.

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