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Dr. Teresa Smith

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Helping Kids Cope with Loss

Parents do their best to shield their children from the harsh realities of the world. But as much of an effort as they put in, parents can’t always protect their children from experiencing the pain of loss. Whether it’s the loss of a beloved pet, a childhood friend, or the loss of a family member, young children are often unequipped to deal with the feelings of grief and sadness.

Here are some ways you can help your child cope with loss:

Share What They Can Handle

Children have very big imaginations. They can often imagine a scenario that is far scarier than the current reality. While you may think speaking openly to children about a pet or loved one’s illness and impending death will cause anxiety, very often not speaking with them will cause them even more. Just be sure to share facts and information that is age-appropriate. For instance, a 12-year-old may understand the concept of hospice care while a 5-year-old may not. With younger children, share the simple essentials of death and dying.

Use Children’s Books

It can be difficult finding just the right words to explain death and dying to a young child. At these times, children’s books about illness, dying and bereavement can be a tremendous help and can guide you in having developmentally appropriate conversations with young people.

Encourage Their Honest Feelings

Loss can cause people of all ages to completely shut down emotionally. Emotional numbness is a form of denial. While it’s okay for a child to take some space after the initial loss, you will need to help them feel their feelings about it. Unexpressed emotions can cause mental and physical issues in the future.

Accept Their Honest Feelings

Like adults, kids may go through a gamut of emotions from anger to sadness, guilt to shame. It’s natural and okay for your child to feel any emotion they may have. Let them know this and support them at every step of their grieving process.

Seek Help

Your child may benefit from speaking with a professional therapist who can offer tools and coping strategies. You’ll want to look for someone who’s not only qualified but who both you and your child will feel comfortable working with.

If you’re interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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Child Abuse: Recognizing the Signs

Every year, an estimated 700,000 children are abused in the United States; and every day, five children die because of child abuse. While these statistics are alarming, you may be even more surprised to learn that when children report abuse to an adult in their life, only 58% of those adults take action. As adults, it’s our responsibility to help protect one of our most vulnerable populations. Read on to learn some ways to recognize possible signs of child abuse.

Physical Abuse

If a child is a victim of physical abuse, you may see bruising on their skin. If you notice a bruise or welt of any kind or in the pattern of an object (such as a hand or belt), this is a sign of physical abuse and must be reported. You can also assess the location of the child’s injury. For example, if they said they fell off a bike, are the marks left behind consistent with that injury?

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is best described as continuing emotional mistreatment of a child. If you see a child being cursed at or demeaned, that is emotional abuse.

Neglect

If you notice an underweight child, or a child who eats out of trash cans or begs, hoards or steals food, this could be a sign of neglect. Bad hygiene is another sign of neglect: the child will have dirty clothes, or will not be given baths. Medical neglect is also possible. If you know that a child has a medical condition, but they’re not being taken for medical care, this is neglect and must be reported.

Sexual Abuse

When in casual contact with children, you will likely not notice physical indicators of sexual abuse. You can look to emotional indicators however, such as signs of stress in the child or in their family. If you see a child imitating sexual acts, this is a possible sign of sexual abuse that must be reported so a professional can assess the situation. Other physical indicators include physical signs of trauma to the genital or anal area, bleeding, bruising, infection, STD’s and pregnancy.

 

If you suspect a child of being a victim of abuse or neglect, make it your business. Call the Child Protective Services (CPS) in your state, or the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline, which can be reached 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). If you believe a child is in immediate danger, call 911.

If you or your child have been the victim of abuse and need support and guidance, a licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

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Don’t Get Mad, Get Involved: Helping Your Child with Class Behavioral Issues

No parent likes hearing that their child is acting out in class. At first, most of us want to blame ourselves and figure out what we’ve done wrong. When we come up empty, we tend to put the blame on our child, and sometimes we even get angry.

The truth is, parents do the best they can and so do their children. There are a myriad of reasons why children act out at school.

Big Changes

A divorce, move to a new city, or death in the family are big life events that are hard on everyone. This is particularly true for young children who do not know how to express their feelings and have not yet developed coping mechanisms.

Sleep Issues

Has something happened to interrupt your child’s sleep patterns? Are they not getting their naps? Are they waking up frequently during the night from noisy neighbors or growing pains? Even adults act out when we don’t get proper sleep.

Self-Esteem Issues

Children develop self-esteem issues for different reasons, but one of the ramifications is changes in mood that can lead to disruptive behavior.

These are some of the reasons why your child may be acting out in school. But now the questions becomes, what can you do about it as their parent?

Talk to Your Child

First, see if you can pinpoint the cause. If it’s not something already listed, do some digging. Take your child to the doctor. Is their hearing and sight okay? Do they have any GI trouble? Are they being picked on? Are they getting enough exercise? Talk openly with your child and ask them what is going on.

Set Boundaries

If your child has never had any problems acting out in the past, they may not be clear on what is and is NOT acceptable behavior. Make it clear what you expect from that at home as well as school.

Seek Counseling

You may be able to identify and solve the issue yourself. For example, if your child was frustrated from their poor eyesight, a trip to the eye doctor may quickly solve your problems. However, if the behavioral issue stems from a big life change or poor self-esteem, you may need the assistance of a trained behavioral therapist.

If you have a child who is acting out in school and are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

Sources:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-behavioral/2018/07/8-reasons-why-your-child-might-be-having-prolonged-behavior-issues-that-arent-concerning/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/parenting-tips/2012/07/7-hints-for-setting-boundaries-with-your-kids/

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/children-medication.aspx

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4 Reasons You Should Try Family Therapy with Your Teenager

As parents, it can be challenging raising a teenager. Teenagers are at the stage where they begin to question the beliefs and values they were raised with, while challenging authority and parental restrictions.

Sometimes, teens are struggling with even more issues in their lives. A teen struggling with substance abuse, a mental health disorder, or behavioral problems can cause a great deal of strain on family relationships. While individual therapy will help your teen deal with their personal difficulties, family therapy can help improve the family dynamic and create a more positive home life. A healthy, happy family will not only help your teen cope with personal challenges, but it will benefit your family as a whole.

1.  Develop Trust and Honesty

As families talk through their issues in therapy, everyone will learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Discussing difficult matters with a professional and unbiased third party can help each member of the family communicate their feelings in a safe and constructive environment. Your therapist will help family members learn something they didn’t know about each other by encouraging people to communicate things they’ve held inside, or by asking questions no one else thought to ask. This effective and honest communication will help develop trust in familial relationships.

2.  Improved Communication and Problem-Solving Skills for the Future

Through therapy, your family will learn better ways to communicate their feelings and resolve issues. Your family will learn and develop healthy communication and conflict resolution skills that they can use to help prevent further conflicts from starting.

3.  Bring Your Family Closer Together

Applying the techniques learned in therapy will bring your family together. As trust and honesty develop, tensions and stress will be reduced and your home will become a more positive and supporting environment. As each family member gains a better understanding of healthy boundaries, relationships will greatly improve. These positive interactions will increase the peace your family feels when spending time together.

4.  Skills Learned Can Be Applied to Other Relationships

Some or all of the skills learned in family therapy can be applied at school, with friends, on the playground or in the workplace. Better communication and conflict resolution skills can help each family member in every aspect of their life. These techniques will continue to help your child as they move through adulthood, even up to when they grow and have families of their own.

 

If you and your teenager are having a difficult time and need the help of a licensed professional to navigate your way toward a healthier relationship, call my office today so we can set up an appointment.

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