Relationships always start out on a high note. Your mutual attraction combined with your commonalities stirs up your feelings, while finding out about your differences and exploring the world together makes your relationship fresh and exciting. When your relationship starts to become more intimate, you may start to wonder when the right time is for you to open up to your partner about your past sexual abuse.

Being a survivor of sexual assault is, unfortunately, not uncommon. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in three women and one in six men in the United States experience some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime. So when is the right time to open up to your partner about your past, and how do you tell them?

Be Ready
It’s important as a survivor that you are in control of when you share your story. Center yourself around your own needs and share only when you’re ready, and not before. You may need to discuss it first with a therapist, counselor, friend or support group.

Know What You Need
Know in advance what you’ll need to get through this discussion. You may need your partner to not ask questions, or to not touch you while you’re talking. Be honest and upfront, and ask for support when you need it.

Prepare for a Response
How people respond to your story will vary widely. Hearing sexual abuse disclosures affect both the person telling the story, as well as the person listening. Your partner may be silent for a while as they take the information and consider what to say. Give them time to process it. If it will make you more comfortable, you can ask them to give you some time before you discuss the matter again.

Opening up and discussing difficult, sensitive topics with your partner is never easy. But these challenging times are often the ones that create milestones in your relationship, and will ultimately bring the two of you closer than ever.

Are you a sexual assault survivor and in need of guidance and counseling? A licensed therapist can help. Call my office today and let’s set up a time to talk.

When you think of mental health therapists, you probably don’t equate them with a lawyer. But you’d be surprised how much these two professions have in common!

Both therapists and lawyers offer counsel to others in an effort to help them resolve conflicts. While a therapist often helps clients solve their own internal conflicts, sometimes the conflicts that need resolving are those they have with others: friends, children, and spouses.

What is Therapeutic Mediation?

Therapeutic mediation is a process with two intended outcomes:

• Relief from emotional stress
• An agreement or plan of action that is acceptable by two individual parties.

So you could say that therapeutic mediation is a tool used by mental health professionals to bring about emotional healing and an agreed-upon plan of action.

What does it look like in action?

Let’s say you have a husband and wife who find themselves in an entirely toxic relationship. The husband is currently unemployed and the wife works but has little savings. Neither has the funds for a traditional drawn-out divorce. But the wife’s health plan does allow for weekly therapy sessions for her and her spouse or partner.

A therapist would step in and in each session focus on those two goals: therapeutic healing of emotions and conflict resolution. To revisit the emotional distress of both individuals, time would be spent telling their truths and being heard and apologies would be made. Upon a true reconciliation, both parties would feel an emotional weight lifted.

Once this emotional healing has occurred for both individuals, the focus of each session can shift to the conflict resolution process where a plan for forwarding action is developed and accepted by both parties. In this instance, a therapist may work with the husband and wife and facilitate open discussion on important things such as visitation rights and financial obligations.

The Bottom Line

Therapeutic mediation can be very beneficial in a variety of legal and emotional circumstances. For the process to be a success, though, both parties need to be emotionally mature and responsible. They must be willing to acknowledge their own errors and not rely on blaming others. And finally, they must be willing to partake in a process that relies heavily on cooperative problem-solving. If both parties can follow these guidelines, they have an excellent chance of resolving issues in therapy instead of court.

If you’d like to discuss therapeutic mediation further, please call my office. I’d be more than happy to speak to you about how my services may be able to help your specific situation.

SOURCES:

• https://www.therapyhelp.com/therapeutic-mediation-an-alternative-to-costly-litigation/
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201209/divorce-education-and-therapeutic-family-mediation-resolve