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October 2, 2024 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

Getting Your Inner Spark Back: 5 Tips to Loving Yourself Again

We are born knowing that we are infinitely lovable. Babies and toddlers demand love and attention. They ask to be held, they ask for toys and presents and they feel they deserve them. When we’re very young, we simply somehow just “know” that we are amazing and deserve nothing but goodness.

But then something happens…

We get programmed by kids at school and various media outlets. We hit puberty and our hormones kick in and suddenly instead of being awesome and lovable, we believe we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or good looking enough.

The good news is, you can fall in love with yourself all over again, and here are some ideas to get you started:

Make Time for Yourself

Little kids spend a lot of alone time playing. And during this alone time, they are really connected to their inner world. The “us” in this inner world is the real us, not the us in the business suit or rush-hour traffic or grocery store line. Spend quality time just with you so you can reconnect to the “you” you’ve forgotten.

Say “No” More Often

When we constantly put others’ needs before our own, we tell our subconscious mind over and over that we do not matter. If you are a people pleaser, get into the habit of saying no to others and yes to yourself more often.

Do What You Love

Maybe when you were young you wanted to be a painter or singer or photographer, but an adult “talked some sense into you.” Well there is no reason you can’t explore these passions as a hobby now. Doing what you love is one of the best ways to love yourself more.

Speak Your Truth

When you constantly tell other people what they want to hear instead of telling the truth, you silence yourself. This, in turn, kicks your self-worth to the curb.

Don’t be afraid to always be authentic and truthful. Sure, you’ll sometimes have to find graceful and tactful ways to share your truth with others, but it’s the best way to love yourself.

Get Help

When our self-worth is low or non-existent, attempting to love ourselves can feel impossible. If you suffer from self-esteem issues, speaking with a therapist can help you recognize where these issues came from and how to work through them to truly love yourself.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help you get your spark back.

Filed Under: General

September 30, 2024 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

Can Marriage Counseling Really Help Your Relationship?

When I first started my practice, I remember reading a statistic about divorce that I found shocking. And that was that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce.

According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While everyone has their theory as to why the rate is falling, the theory among therapists is that it is because marriage counseling actually works, and more couples are giving it a try.

If you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties, here are some reasons why you should give marriage counseling a try:

Identifying Patterns

One of the biggest benefits of seeking counseling is having help seeing negative behavioral patterns, whether those patterns are yours as individuals and/or as a couple. Healing can only begin once patterns have been recognized.

Impartial Advice

A therapist is not like a friend or family member who is going to take sides and hand out potentially harmful advice. Marriage counselors have a track record of dealing with all sorts of marital issues and want to understand what’s going on so they can offer the best strategies for healing.

A Safe Space

Marriage counseling offers both spouses a safe space to be completely open and honest with their feelings. If not delivered in the right space, complete honesty can have adverse effects. Counseling offers a safe environment in which no one is ever judged.

A Place to Rebuild Trust

Trust is the bedrock of every relationship. But when that trust is broken, as it is through infidelity, it is hard to put the pieces back together. Marriage counselors have years of experience dealing with issues of infidelity. Counseling explores different ways to rebuild trust one step at a time.

Bringing Out Toxic Emotions

Did you know that trapped toxic emotions are one of the main reasons marriages break down? When you have feelings of anger, resentment and frustration locked deep inside you, they fester there and make matters worse. Counseling offers the space and opportunity to let these emotions out in healthy, respectful ways.

 

If your relationship is on the rocks right now, divorce is not your only solution. Thousands of couples have been helped by marriage counseling and it’s worth it to you both to give it a shot.

If you’d like to explore counseling, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage

September 29, 2024 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

Recognizing the Signs of Postpartum Depression and Getting Help

The birth of a child is a wondrous and glorious thing. Until you bring that baby home and are responsible for keeping it alive on zero sleep for weeks and weeks. Add to this already trying scenario is the hormonal cocktail the new mother is living with and you understand why some new mothers don’t feel so blissful.

While it’s normal for every new mother to feel some stress and irritability in the weeks after giving birth, it is estimated that  9 to16 percent of moms, through no fault of their own, will experience postpartum depression (PPD).

What makes some women more susceptible to PPD than others? It is believed that a combination of things including hormones, genetics, predisposition, support (or lack of), and stress all create a perfect storm to experience PPD.

As if experiencing PPD isn’t hard enough, there are actually a few myths surrounding the condition that can make a new mother feel even worse. Let’s dispel those myths right now:

Myth #1: PPD starts after a woman has given birth.

PPD can actually start while a woman is still pregnant. In fact, it is believed that in 50% of moms experiencing PPD, the symptoms began during pregnancy.

Myth #2: PPD starts immediately after giving birth.

In those instances where PPD does begin after a new mother has given birth, it is not uncommon for symptoms to begin well beyond the first four weeks. This can often take the new mother by surprise.

Myth #3: PPD is the only postpartum illness a new mother may experience.

The truth is, there is an entire collection of postpartum illnesses besides PPD that a woman may experience such as postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, and rarely, but sometimes experienced postpartum psychosis. These are all challenging disorders new moms experience.

Now let’s take a look at some of the common symptoms of PPD so you know what to be aware of.

  • Guilt – You feel like you should be handling the situation better. Many women feel worthless in the role of mother.
  • You Can’t be Comforted – With baby blues, mothers feel overwhelmed but can be comforted by encouraging words from their partner or loved ones. But with PPD, reassurance feels like a lie.
  • You Fantasize About Escaping – While many new moms think about wanting to just get away for a week or two to get some rest and feel human again, women with PPD fantasize about leaving and never returning because they think their families will be better off. NOTE: If you have thoughts of suicide, it is important that you seek help immediately.
  • You’re Angry and Irritable – You snap at your partner, at the baby, at the dog. You no longer feel in control of your own emotions.

Not every woman will experience every symptom. But if you are experiencing any of these it’s important that you get help. PPD is very treatable, so it’s important that you recognize the signs, understand that you’re not a bad mother, and reach out for the help you need.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you during this time.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pregnant-pause/202006/postpartum-depression-too-little-too-late
  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/postpartum
  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201610/8-postpartum-depression-symptoms-you-need-know

Filed Under: New Mother

July 29, 2024 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

Signs you Need to Take a Mental Health Day

Do you ever get up in the morning and wonder if it would be okay for you to take a mental health day? If so, you’re definitely not alone. In fact, research from the American Psychological Association shows that today’s workforce is experiencing job burnout at alarming rates.

What are Mental Health Days Exactly?

The good news is that taking a mental health day every once in a while can absolutely help you cope with work-related stress. But mental health days should not be confused with sick days.

Mental health days are simply those times when you need to take a break from anything work related. These personal days are used to reset your mind by focusing on activities that rejuvenate and reenergize you.

Signs it’s Time for a Mental Health Day

The following are some red flags that are letting you know you need to put your mental health first:

You Feel Run Down

Being stressed and overworked can take a toll on your mind and body. If you’ve been feeling run down for a period of time, take a break.

You Feel Angry More Often

When we feel stressed and burned out, we become angry far more easily and far more often. If you find you have been getting easily irritated, this is a sign it may be time for a mental health day.

You’re Having a Hard Time Focusing

When we’re stressed, our mental faculties take a hit and we can’t focus as easily. This makes it incredibly hard to get any work done. Which of course just makes us feel more stressed.

If you notice your cognitive abilities have declined a bit, may be time to call off work for a day of destressing.

If you have been experiencing any of these signs, I encourage you to put your mental health first and take a mental health day. And if you would like to speak to someone about how you’re feeling, please reach out to me. I’m a great listener and have numerous tools for coping with stress that I can share with you.

SOURCES:

https://info.totalwellnesshealth.com/blog/mental-health-day-from-work

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/signs-you-need-a-mental-health-day/

https://www.livestrong.com/article/13767705-how-to-take-mental-health-day/

Filed Under: mental health

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