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October 12, 2020 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

Are You Doing Self-Care All Wrong?

The topic of self-care is one that has been discussed openly and often over the past decade. But for many, the concept of self-care is one that is still a bit mysterious, if not downright confusing.

What Is Self-Care?

First, self-care is a practice and a commitment we make to ourselves. It is any activity we do deliberately to support our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Not only does the right kind of self-care improve our health and life, but it can also improve the relationships we have with others.

Some examples of self-care might be:

  • Creating better habits
  • Eating right
  • Getting plenty of quality sleep
  • Exercising
  • Meditation
  • Spending quality time with loved ones
  • Making time to enjoy a hobby
  • Learning something new

Self-care isn’t always fun or easy, but you do it anyway because you know that the activity is what is BEST for you. In this way, self-care is a bit like acting as your own parent, making sure you do the things you don’t necessarily feel like doing because it is what your mind, body, and spirit need.

What Self-Care Isn’t

Self-care isn’t necessarily about making yourself feel better.

Person A has had a very bad day. They practice proper self-care and, when they get home, they change clothes, go for a 3-mile run, then cook a healthy dinner that refuels their body.

Person B has also had a very bad day and practices phony self-care. On their way home, person B stops at the store and gets a 6-pack of beer and a gallon of ice cream, then spends the entire night on the sofa drinking and eating poorly in an attempt to make the bad day go away.

This phony style of self-care is very immature. It is not parental but something a child does. If the parent insists you eat your veggies because they are good for you, the child will eat only candy bars when the parent isn’t looking.

Self-care is about making decisions based on what is good for you, not what you FEEL like doing at the moment.

Self-care should also not be confused with pampering. While there is nothing wrong with getting massages and pedicures, these again tend to be quick fixes we give ourselves to make ourselves feel better in the moment.

At the end of the day, self-care is a commitment to yourself to live, grow, and evolve in healthy ways. It means making choices that will lead to your best self and greatest potential.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everybody-marries-the-wrong-person/201006/self-care-in-toxic-world
  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202001/5-things-people-get-wrong-about-self-care
  • https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

Filed Under: General

October 11, 2020 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

Stress Management Techniques for People of Color Dealing with Microaggressions

Most human beings don’t get through life without dealing with their fair share of stress. But some people seem to deal with more stress than others. For instance, according to a report by the American Psychological Association (APA), both low-income populations and racial minorities have a greater risk of developing mental and physical health issues as a result of stress. The APA report focused on the need for raising public awareness regarding the stress-inducing implications of persistent exposure to subtle biases and microaggressions.

In the meantime, what can these populations do to manage their stress so they experience better health outcomes? Here are some proven stress management techniques to cope with whatever life throws at you:

Reframe

Reframing is an exercise that allows us to see the whole picture. Often times, when we experience a negative situation, we become emotionally wrapped up in the negative. But life is complex, and often there is good to be seen along with the bad. The good may be how we handled a situation or how our friends and family gave us support and strength. When we reframe, we step away from our emotions to look at the situation fully and honestly.

Relax

Stress causes tension in the body, and this tension can result in chronic health issues such as high blood pressure and chronic inflammation. It’s important to learn healthy ways to bring about relaxation. You might try tools such as progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, guided imagery, and biofeedback for managing your stress.

Practice Mindfulness

Over two decades of research on mindfulness shows that it is highly effective in managing stress. Mindfulness meditation involves fully focusing your awareness on the present moment. Through this practice, you accept your thoughts and feelings without judging them. There are a variety of online resources to help you get started.

Move Your Body

When we are stressed, our body experiences the “fight or flight response.” This entails a number of stress hormones to be released into our bloodstream. These hormones make our hearts beat faster and direct blood flow away from our brains and core into our arms and legs so we can remove ourselves from the perceived danger.

But for many of us, the danger is not physical but mental and emotional. And so we don’t burn through these hormones and they linger in our bodies causing damage. For instance, one of the hormones released is cortisol, which if levels are left unchecked, can cause high blood pressure and damage to the brain.

Exercise is one of the best ways to burn through these “fight or flight” chemicals. In addition, exercise helps with the production of feel-good endorphins.

These are just some of the ways you can better manage the stress in your life so it doesn’t negatively impact your health. If at the end of the day, you need more help, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health therapist who can provide you with even more stress management tools.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-matters-most/201701/10-new-strategies-stress-management
  • https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-ways-to-stress-less/
  • https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/01/09/higher-stress-among-minorities-low-income-populations-may-lead-to-health-disparities/131003.html

Filed Under: General

September 28, 2020 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

Are You a Man Suffering from Suicidal Thoughts? Therapy Can Help You

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men die by suicide more than 3x as often as women. In fact, white males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in 2018.

Those are startling statistics. But what’s the reason behind these numbers? Well, according to a recent Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) survey, the number of men who seek treatment for depression is far lower than the number of women who seek out guidance.

Some mental health experts believe that certain cultural and social norms, as well as rigid views of masculinity, most likely prevent many men from seeking help. Men also have a much more difficult time trusting, opening up, and communicating their feelings.

Mental health issues also tend to manifest much differently in men than women, resulting in issues going ignored and untreated. Men often either don’t recognize they are in emotional pain or take a “walk it off” attitude toward it. This leads to unprocessed emotions building and building until the man may act out and commit violence against himself or someone else.

Therapy for Suicidal Thoughts

Should you or someone you know be experiencing thoughts of suicide, it is critically important that you seek help. While a high level of risk requires hospitalization or intense in-patient out-patient treatment, those not currently in a high-risk crisis can be successfully treated through psychotherapy.

Therapy offers a safe space for men to open up and admit they are hurting and need help. There is no judgment, only compassion, and guided healing. A focus of this therapy will be to address the factors that led to thoughts of suicide, ways to resist the urge to self-harm, and creating a plan that includes coping strategies to address suicidal thoughts should they recur.

Your therapist will also determine whether you may benefit from prescription medications, which are sometimes necessary as a temporary aid to cognitive behavioral therapy.

You don’t need to suffer alone. And seeking help does not make you weak. It actually makes you very strong. If you have had thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out to someone. You may contact me and I would be very happy to discuss what therapy offers in more detail and how I might be able to help.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/men-issues
  • https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/
  • https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/suicide

Filed Under: General, Men's Issues

September 14, 2020 by Teresa Quarker-Smith Leave a Comment

The Mental Health Impact of COVID-19 on Families

If you asked any of us a year ago what would life be like in 2020, it’s doubtful anyone would have guessed we’d be going through a global pandemic, replete with lockdowns and self-quarantining. At the beginning of the year, some families might have thought of being forced to stay home from work and school would be a fun little vacation. But as the weeks and months have passed, we’ve all learned this has been anything but fun.

But how is COVID affecting families? Well, it affects parents and kids and spouses a little differently.

How it Affects Kids

Kids haven’t enjoyed the time off nearly as much as we all initially thought. Disruption to normal routines caused many teens and adolescents to feel anxiety. Add to this being away from their friends, and many young people are also feeling depressed.

Summer vacation for many this year wasn’t as fun as normal as travel has been next to impossible for some families in certain states. Sports teams were canceled, and boredom has set in for many kids, which has led to a lot of acting out and showing mood swings.

The pandemic has also negatively impacted those youths already suffering from a mental health issue, such as those on the autism spectrum. For many of these kids, a disruption of routine combined with cancellation of speech therapy sessions has stalled their progress and caused anxiety.

With some schools opening and some only offering online classes, life is still not back to normal and many kids are simply not able to deal with this crisis any longer.

How it Affects Parents

Parents have, without question, been hit hard by the pandemic. With forced school closures, many parents have had to learn how to home school while also learn how to get used to the “new normal” of working from home.

As if that wasn’t enough, parents have also had to become mental health therapists, helping their children navigate through the fear, anxiety, and depression they are experiencing.

How it Affects Spouses

Quarantining and self-isolation have definitely impacted our familial and romantic relationships. When you are locked in a house with your family, things can become chaotic and, well, everyone gets on each other’s nerves. Now forced to live on top of one another, and enduring financial hardships, worrying about health, and educating and organizing the children—just going grocery shopping can add a layer of stress.

Those couples who may already have relationship issues under the surface may find the sudden and intense stress has brought these issues to the surface. This can be a turning point for many relationships: will this current crisis bring us closer or finally drive us apart?

 

Without question, we are all living under an intense amount of stress and it is affecting us all in different ways. If you and your family aren’t able to handle the stress any longer, it’s important that you reach out and get some help from a family counselor. Most therapists are offering telehealth services, which means you can get the benefits of therapy right over the internet.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-resilience/202005/covid-19-mental-health-effects-children-and-adolescents
  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/202004/how-covid-19-affects-marriage-and-how-adapt
  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/facing-trauma-together/202008/why-parents-need-time-play-during-covid-19

Filed Under: Family Therapy, General

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