Moving forward after divorce is difficult for everyone, and trying to figure out how to co-parent complicates things even further. Here are some tips to help you co-parent with your ex.

Put Your Child First

Putting your child first is an absolute necessity for successful co-parenting. Always consider their wants and needs above your own.

Putting your child first doesn’t mean that you stop taking care of yourself. Your child also deserves a parent that’s happy and healthy. Self-care is vital, so be sure to rest, eat healthy, exercise and make time in your busy schedule to do something special for yourself. This way, you give your child her parent at their very best.

The Golden Rule

The best co-parenting relationships have the best communication. To practice the golden rule, share the information you would like, and expect, to have shared with you. Neglecting to share information could risk unintended negative consequences for your child.

For example, if you get your child immunized for school and don’t tell your ex, your ex might also get your child immunized for school. This could have unintended consequences for your child.

If you’re having difficulty communicating with your ex in person or by phone, try text or e-mail.

Be Consistent

Children need structure to feel safe, secure and loved. Therefore, it’s important that you and your ex create a united front for the sake of your child and try to keep schedules as similar as possible. Resist the urge to give in to demands out of guilt: it’s familiarity and routine that will make your child feel loved and cared for.

Accept Differences

Even with the best of intentions, things will not be as perfect as we would like. If your ex lets your kids eat sweets or stay up late, you must learn to accept the different ways your homes are run. If you let go of control you’ll put less anxiety on your children, and relieve yourself of the stress of trying to control something you can’t.

Respect Each Other

Regardless of what happened in your personal relationship with your ex, your ex is still your child’s parent. To that end, you must respect your ex for the sake of your child. Don’t speak ill of your ex in front of your child, and don’t talk to your children about issues or difficulties with your ex.

Although your relationship with your ex didn’t work out, your relationship as co-parents of your child is forever. Let your child feel the love from both of her parents without feeling like she has to choose. A stable home and positive role models will help ensure your child grows up to be a happy, productive adult.

If you need help developing better and more positive communication with your ex, give me a call today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.

Seeking the guidance of a therapist is a wonderful way to fix your family’s communication problems and start the process of healing. But selecting a family therapist can be a daunting task, particularly when you are already struggling with emotionally pain or anxiety.

To help you with your selection process, here are four questions you should ask when looking for a family therapist.

1.Should I Find a Provider that Takes Insurance or Cash Pay?

Therapy is as much a financial commitment as it is an emotional one, and not everyone will be able to pay out of pocket for counseling. That’s why it’s important to understand your funding options before you begin therapy and potentially wind up with a bill you can’t pay.

There are different advantages to insurance and cash pay.

When you pay cash for treatment, you have far more privacy. In fact, the only ones who need to ever know you are in treatment are you and your therapist. Also, when you pay cash, you are not forced to search for an in-network therapist, but rather have more options when it comes to selecting someone who specializes in an area you’re interested in. And, since many therapists offer clients a sliding scale, no one should assume they can’t afford to pay cash.

Using insurance to pay for therapy means having less options and privacy, but it is significantly cheaper to get care.

2. Do I Know Anyone Who Can Recommend a Good Therapist?

Often, some of the greatest connections and therapeutic relationships come from personal recommendations. Before you flip through the yellow pages or do a Google search, check with close friends and family to see if they can recommend a therapist in your local area. When you know that a close friend or family member feels safe with a specific counselor, it will help alleviate any anxiety during that first session.

3. What Are Our Goals?

Every family comes to counseling with their own unique set of hopes and expectations. Knowing your goals before you start therapy will help you and your therapist know what you expect from the entire process. Before you attend that first session, sit down as a family and think about what you hope to gain from your time in therapy.

4. Do We Have Any Specific Preferences in a Therapist?

Do you have any preferences when it comes to the gender of your therapist? For many, gender doesn’t matter, but for some families, especially those with young children, having a female counselor over a male, or vice versa, may have a positive influence on the counseling process.

Do you want your therapist to specialize in a specific disorder or an addiction?

How about their trainings and background?

All of these factors can play a part in the process of choosing the right counselor for you.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.