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Dr. Teresa Smith

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Conflict Resolution Strategies for Couples

Conflict is natural, and every couple will experience it at some point in their relationship. The difference between a couple who can navigate this conflict and those who allow conflict to break their bond comes down to proven conflict resolution strategies.

The following are highly effective strategies every couple can use to get to the other side of a conflict in a loving and respectful way:

Create a Safe Space

When an argument begins, how many of us go into it with the intent of “winning” or proving the other person wrong? Having this intention is a recipe for disaster and resentment.

To resolve conflict, you and your partner need to establish respectful rules. These can include:

  • No yelling
  • No name-calling
  • No physical aggression
  • No foul language
  • No blaming or shaming

Without a safe space to interact, no real communication can take place.

Validate the Other Person’s Feelings

Resolving conflict requires validation of both partners’ feelings. When you place blame on the other or state that they are somehow wrong, they will feel unheard and misunderstood. And arguing from this place will never lead to resolution of the original conflict.

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Listen fully when they speak. Make eye contact (stay off your phone!). Nod while they are speaking. Thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.

You will be amazed at how much different things go when you validate your partner.

Find the Middle-Ground

Conflict resolution ultimately relies on both of you being able to come to a compromise. Look for ways to find that balance between what the both of you want and what you are comfortable with.

Get Help

Depending on the root cause of the conflict, professional counseling may be warranted. A couple most likely can navigate an argument that stems from someone not doing their fair share of chores. But a conflict that is rooted in, say, financial trouble or an infidelity, may warrant professional help.

If you and your partner seem to be unable to resolve your conflicts on your own and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.

SOURCES:

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/conflict-resolution-in-relationships

https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/

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3 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships

The number one ingredient to any healthy and stable relationship is good communication. When communication is poor, relationships break down.

Whether they are platonic, romantic or revolve around business, your relationships will thrive if you improve your communication with others. Here’s how:

Be Fully Present

Trust and respect must be earned by both parties. And this requires giving each other your full attention. Keep distractions like cell phones out of the conversation. Make eye contact and fully listen to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.

Use “I” Statements

One of the biggest things that make a person tune out during a conversation is when they are told they are doing something wrong. YOU do this or YOU do that is not the best way to get your feelings across.

Try using more “I” statements. These statements focus on your feelings without casting blame on the other person.

So as an example, instead of saying, “You’re always late!” You can instead say, “I worry when you haven’t shown up and I haven’t heard from you.”

See the difference?

Avoid Negative Communication Patterns

Poor communication is typically the result of negative communication patterns. These include things like passive aggressiveness, ignoring the other person when they are speaking, and yelling.

While you may not be able to change your own negative communication patterns overnight, you can commit to becoming more aware of them and when they happen, stop the pattern and change it.

These are just some of the ways you can improve your communication with others. You may also want to seek the guidance of a couples’ therapist who can offer you even more strategies and a safe space to share your feelings.

If you’d like to explore counseling, please reach out to me. I’d love to help you reconnect with your partner.

SOURCES:

https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/

https://www.verywellmind.com/communication-in-relationships-why-it-matters-and-how-to-improve-5218269

https://us.calmerry.com/blog/relationships/9-ways-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship/

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How to Know You’re Dealing with a Narcissist

We all believe we know what narcissism looks like. After all, aren’t a majority of politicians and Hollywood A-listers narcissists, projecting their massive egos onto the world? 

While that may be true, narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. They walk among us, some of them obvious, and some of them covert. 

So how can you tell if you’re dealing with an actual narcissist or just someone who is a bit full of themself? Here are a handful of traits the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists as characteristics that someone is a narcissist:

A Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Narcissists see themselves as incredibly essential to the success and happiness of other people. In their eyes, they believe they are capable of exceptionally high levels of achievement, whether they are or aren’t in reality.

They are Special or Unique

Narcissists believe they are so special and unique that few people can really understand them. Many will only want to spend time around high-status people.

A Need for Admiration

We all can admit it feels good to be appreciated and admired. But narcissists have an absolute need for admiration and a lot of it. 

A Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists truly believe they are the exception to the rule. If there is a line of people waiting to be seated, a narcissist will cut that line because why should they of all people be forced to wait? If you’ve spent any amount of time around an actual narcissist, their entitlement can be shocking as it seems to know no bounds.

A Lack of Empathy

Narcissist simply cannot imagine how others feel. They are wired differently from non-narcissistic people. When you can’t empathize or feel what someone else is, it makes it incredibly easy to abuse those around you.

These are just some of the main traits of a narcissist. Needless to say, spending any amount of time in their presence can be a very toxic and taxing experience.

 

SOURCES:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/14-signs-of-narcissism

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202110/the-13-traits-narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

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Nurturing Positive Relationships With Extended Family Members

Maintaining healthy relationships with extended family members—such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, and in-laws—can be tough. According to an article published by YouGov, 46% of Americans don’t have any extended family members living in the same city or town as them. Unfortunately, for many people, this distance can make it difficult to nurture positive family relationships.

If you’re looking to create healthy relationships with extended family members, you may want to consider implementing one or more of the following tips:

  • Schedule times to catch up. When you don’t get to see your family members every day or even every week, it can be easy to lose touch, which can make you feel less like family and more like acquaintances. Plan regular visits, videochats, and telephone calls, and make an effort to remain free of distractions during those times.
  • Establish boundaries. It may seem counterintuitive, but setting boundaries can help families feel closer in the long run. For example, if you don’t feel comfortable having extended family members stay at your home for more than a few days, communicating that before their next visit can help prevent resentment from forming. 
  • Avoid taking sides. Unfortunately, no matter how hard we try to keep the peace, it’s inevitable that family disputes will pop up from time to time. While you should certainly stand up for what you believe is right, in many cases, exercising empathy and remaining neutral can help prevent hurt feelings. You should also avoid talking about family members behind their back.

Take the First Step Toward Positive Family Relationships

If you’re interested in building healthy relationships with extended family members, one of the best things you can do is speak to a therapist. Contact us today and request an appointment at a date and time that’s convenient for you.

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